Things That Make Us Give Up on Our Dreams
When life gives you another shot at your dreams, you want to make sure you do it right. Especially if you missed that chance once. You want to do it right and you want to do it quick without any delays. But there isn’t really anything like ‘achieving your dreams quicker’. It’s a process that unfolds in due course and does not happen any sooner than when it is written to be manifested. Because the dream itself is not the point anyway. It is just a motivation that keeps you going. The important thing is to not disregard this motivation, take action and keep learning lessons. And the only way to know that the lesson has been learnt is to make sure that the mistake is not repeated. This all is a time taking process. But when the agenda is understood, the dream itself materializes but by then it seems very insignificant in comparison to the magnitude of those lessons and the consequent growth in you. On this path to your dreams, at every other step you will come across an intersection where you will be required to make a decision. ‘What is the right decision?’, you will ask. How do I know which path to take? Especially when the wrong path usually looks smoother and seemingly the obvious one to take.
The simple answer to that is that at first, you don’t. You simply don’t know and neither are you supposed to. Which path is a short cut to your destination and which one is a mere distraction that only prolongs your journey, you cannot know unless you just go ahead and take one.
But, if by any chance, you want to learn from the mistakes of others instead of your own, here is a list of the paths that must be avoided if you can help it. These paths seem attractive at first and may come disguised as ‘dreams’. You may want to take this diversion once in a while but they should never govern the entire course of your journey. Because when these begin to rule you heart, your path becomes predictable and boring. Real dreams go out the door and so does your freedom of choice in selecting the paths of your journey.
1. Money
First one on the list is good ol’ money! Yep. Money, that is supposed to make the world go round. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not against money. What I am against is not knowing when it is enough. Money should be able to keep a roof on your head, pay your bills, throw some lettuce in your growling stomach and cover your body. If it is doing more than that for you, trust me, you are having it more than enough. If it lets you do something exciting like dyeing your hair or going for a hike and enjoying a chicken karahi up in the mountains, consider yourself privileged. Savings, on the other hand, should be able to pay the doctor’s fee if a disease comes your way, finance your time off when you lose a job, lend a loan to loved ones when they are financially down and buy a hot samosa when it is raining. But most importantly, savings should be kept for the time when life gives you that one shot at your dreams. At that point money should be the last thing to hold you back.
I find something off about those LinkedIn posts where people tell you how they have lost their job and would be grateful for any kind of help. As if it is something to be pitied. On the contrary check out the post below:
Why do we fear losing our jobs so much? Is it because of the living standard that that job is supporting? Your living standard should be something enjoyable rather than something you have to worry to maintain or something that you fear losing. If you lost your job, there really are three things that you should be doing. Enjoying your time off, improving your skills to qualify for another job, or downgrading your lifestyle if the above is not working. In fact, losing your job may be the best thing that happens to you. It might be life giving you another chance at pursuing your purpose. Because at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what kind of lifestyle you had or how much money you were earning. What matters is whether you lived your purpose or not.
2. Comfort
‘Comfort is the worst addiction and a cheap ticket to depression’, says someone. Someone wise.
The problem with our generation is that we don’t know the difference between comfort and basic necessities. We haven't witnessed that it is possible to survive off basic necessities like our previous generation did. Ask yourselves this. If I lose the stove, the geyser and the car that makes my life so easy, would I die? It is good to appreciate the presence of these facilities but if you are scared to lose them and have not taught yourself or your kids the basic survival skills of living with the bare minimum, you are sending off a lazy, timid and hand-cuffed generation whose fears are bigger than their dreams. The bravest person who is most likely to do something big with their life is the one who knows how to function if all these comforts were taken away from them. This dissociation with comfort not only brings purpose and excitement in life but also gives a sense of fearlessness that makes one invincible and hence capable of almost anything.
3. Social Norms
This one is the most intimidating because it is the majority against you. And since it is you against so many people, it invites some serious doubt on your gut feeling. How could so many people be wrong? If they are all saying it, they must be right, right? Although everyone in their heart feels that same restlessness that you are feeling for your dream, most people have trained themselves to become very good at putting that call on silent. Or rather most people do not have the courage to go against so many people and their traditions to follow their heart. If you choose to decide otherwise, it becomes a journey that entails emotional and physical struggle and even humiliation at times. It requires a lot of patience to let time unfold what your gut feeling was telling you. And the tricky part here is that sometimes the entire journey is so discreet that it may not even validate your actions for the world to see why you did what you did. Meaning, that sometimes the end result of following your dreams is only for you to witness as it is profound spiritually but insignificant in concrete. Which kind of puts you in a tight spot when you cannot even tell people what compensation you have received as a result displeasing them and by making your life complicated for your dreams. But that may be another precious lesson. To not bother whether or not the reward of having the courage to pursue your path is disclosed to the world or not. It is for you and your heart’s content only. And most preciouslypp, it is the sign of the existence of a Higher Being.
4. Expectations of Loved Ones
This is the trickiest card that life plays to test how crazy we are for our dreams. When members of our own family come up to us with teary-eyed requests, we feel like giving up on every wish of ours and exhaust ourselves in the pursuit of their happiness. The society glorifies such sacrifices. But we need to keep reminding our loved ones and more importantly ourselves that true happiness of a human being cannot depend on the actions of another person. Because it would not be fair to them or to us. If people understood that their true happiness does not lie in another person or that other than the basic necessities that the adults are responsible to provide for their dependents, there really is nothing else that we can or should provide or seek from others. Understanding this yourself and having people around you who perceive this concept in a similar manner is the most liberating feeling in the world and the best gift we can give each other. Unfortunately, I see people falling easily into the trap of trying to please their loved ones who are seekers of the material. And by the way, we do this because we too enjoy this sense of authority and power of having the capability to make others happy. When choosing a life partner, why do we not look for qualities like the courage and open-mindedness to let others pursue their life path? Because in the long run, when things settle down, pleasers find themselves becoming a slave to the materialistic desires of others ultimately suffering from passive aggression that is vented out on and off in the relationship.
Now, if you really think about all the four things mentioned above, you will also realize that all of them have one thing in common. Which is that you will never get enough of them. You can never have enough money. There is no limit to comfort and luxury. You can never make everyone happy. And you can never fulfill anyone’s expectations. This is a never-ending game where there will always be a next level to complete. And somewhere along these levels, death awaits your exhausted self to finally rest in peace hopefully.
In conclusion, being distracted is human. And it is okay to not only pursue these at time but even enjoy and appreciate them because they are blessings of God. But one must know the boundary beyond which all this becomes greed. One must know what bare minimum is and should not be scared to go back to it if that is what fulfilling your dream demands. But since us human are forgetful and easily entrapped, the best way to do that maybe is to never consider that extra portion as yours. Train yourself to give away what is more than what you need to survive. Never should we ever develop the habit of leaning on these blessings as absolute necessities of life. Instead, they must be kept on the palm of your hand at one arm’s distance. So, in case these are taken away from you the world does not come crashing down because their absence does not cause any deficiency in your personality, happiness and inner peace.
Lastly, don’t wait for everything to be perfect to start your journey towards achieving your dreams. Also, do not ever expect your children to fulfill your dreams. Do not block their way by putting your path into theirs. Do not trick yourself or them into believing that by handing over your dreams to them, you have somehow made some valiant sacrifice that they should feel guilty for not comprehending. If you were coward enough to let your chances go the first time, you probably have yearned for it your entire youth until your kids came along. And now since they are the only people you feel entitled to have authority over, you expect them to manifest your dreams for you in your lifetime. Remember, you and you alone are responsible for your dreams while they are for theirs.
Nothing is ever going to be easy and things will be far from perfect when dreams are meant to be achieved. So, if you do get another chance and are brave enough to take it up regardless of your age, a secure job or a family who loves you for meeting their expectations, I wish you the best of luck because easy is the last thing in the world that it will be.
